I always thought I was really loving and kind to myself.
I thought I was encouraging, gentle and tender toward myself. I thought I was my greatest cheerleader, and believed I had a very healthy self-esteem if not too much self-esteem! I also thought I was a relaxed easygoing individual, that did not over-think things, or worry about little things, or the big things, unless there was something to worry about such as when I lost my job a couple times due to extenuating circumstances, and then I fretted about money even though I never went without a even a day. The sad truth is that I found out recently that yes I do have a strong self esteem, however, I am anything but loving to myself, at least where my self-talk is concerned. My internal Ego is so strong and domineering that it doesn’t stop talking…it worries and beats me up about everything all day long! Who could imagined such a thing?? Not me for sure!
As soon as I became aware of all the noise in my head, I immediately started on a path of calming the Ego voice, and shining a huge bright beam of light on my shadow side. Let me say this, most people would prefer to ignore or pretend that voice is not present, because it is way way too scary to actually focus on it, listen to it, and in turn take responsibility for their condition. I found by becoming aware of this voice, I understood how much energy was consumed by dealing with the energy of the negativity of this voice, and no wonder I was exhausted! Being beat up every day is a soul sucker, which is a true energy sucker, way way exhausting!!
Seriously, how do you speak to yourself? Do you say loving kind things to yourself? Do you tell yourself how beautiful you are? How sexy? Do you worry continually about all the things you have to do, have to take care of, of the things you would like to do, but all the terrible things that will happen if you do take action to better your life? Do you worry about your kids, your family, your sister or brother, your parents, your job, your mortgage or rent, your bills, your health, if you will be tired tomorrow, etc…This list of worries is endless… How much noise is in your head?
I personally became conscious of my own self-talk by being given an exercise to write down every single time I have an unkind, critical, judgmental, or downright mean thing I said to myself or my body. I was to carry a notebook and pen around with me everywhere, even the bathroom and write the thought down immediately, followed by 3 positive kind, loving, praising thoughts about myself that contradict the negative self-talk. I actually started laughing because I realized then and there that it might be a lot in my mind, and I need a bigger notebook! Also, the art of writing, pen to papers works with the brain circuitry in a certain way that typing doesn’t.
Let me give you an example, I said “@#% my belly is so big! Or Damn my pants are tight again.” I would then say, my belly is soooo soft and sexy. I am beautiful and voluptuous; I am extremely feminine and lovely.
I was excited and apprehensive about beginning this exercise. However, I managed to power through the fears, the embarrassment, and the shame I created around the self-talk all in my mind. I realized right away the following very true and sad observations of my very loud egoic mind:
1) I am really cruel, critical and very very mean to myself.
2) I would never ever speak to anyone or anything I have ever met the way I speak to myself.
3) It was extremely challenging to find 3 loving, kind things to say to myself to contradict the negative thought I was having about myself. I had to seek out assistance in the beginning from my sister on what are nice things to say to myself to contradict the negative thought, when I 100% believe the negative thought? It made me feel like I was making up the nice words, that they are not true. Hysterical and very very sad at the same time!
4) I also realized I worry about everything..every possible outcome of every action. I worry about the future the most, and about moving into my life’s work. Worry has been my undoing.
5) My egoic mind never stops talking. It is self-sabotage. It is subversive and rude to me, however, now with awareness and a huge flashlight, I can now spot my ego, speak to it, love it and calm it down. It is losing steam on the negative.
I have come to understand and speak to my ego with love. The closer I get to a major life shift into something bigger better; my Ego will throw the book at me. It will remind me of every bad thing someone has done to me or how someone has hurt me or how I’ll never be anything etc…right before bed or as I am enjoying a perfect day. I have learned to catch it mid-stream and say the following: “Ego, thank you so much for all those thoughts, or fears, and I love you very much for pointing them out. You must be very afraid of losing your identity but know this, I need you. I love you and if you can come along and be my partner, we can create together, help people and ourselves. Would you like to do that? Magically is stops the madness. Or you can just say, “thank you for that thought, I love you!” for simpler worries.
As for my body and your, I know in my heart and soul that my body is so amazing to carry me to this point in my life as is yours. Our bodies are brilliant highly intelligent beings. It is not a machine you inhabit but a gift from the Creator. It is a highly sophisticated being that desires your love, compassion and understanding. It has taken so much and keeps on going. I have decided to love it, nurture it and say kind, gentle, and tender loving words to it. It is responding by telling me what it needs and desires. I have started to ask it questions, instead of reaching for an Advil at the first sign of discomfort for example. I am listening and it is telling me the answers. I feel amazing, lighter and happier. But please know that as I am working through the negative head trash, I do get sad realizing how I talk to myself, but it’s a process and it will take some time to work out all that negative energy stored in that mind of mine, to put light in its negative place so I may fully shine and live in complete abundance and energy! I wish the same for you.
I would love to hear your self- talk or any comments you would like to share in the comment section below.
Love & Light,
I serve women who are looking to find joy in their lives, and who desire to get free of what is holding them back from being who they are meant to be. They feel anxious, depressed, stuck, sad, dis-empowered, hopeless, disconnected from others, and misunderstood.
They want more from life. I also serve women who are fighting cancer or have overcome and beat cancer. I assist them to keep their lives intact and who they are personally as they fight to put the experience in the past and help them to move on with their lives. It is here that they find their true self, through self love and an authentic relationship from healing their body and mind. Licensed Soul Therapist Carolyn Goldfarb